Lost Skills

Tonight is the eve of the eve of Chinese New Year (there is no typo error here :o)).

I used to accompany mama to the wet market to make the last minute shopping for fresh vegetables, meat, fishes, fruits this night. I love the array of colours of the vegetable stalls, do not mind the smell of the fish stalls and enjoy the hawkers and their patrons exchange of bargains. I was (and still am) amazed by how fast the hawkers could calculate the items cost and how mama counter offered.

I think I will never acquire this skill of quick mental calculation let alone bargaining. NTUC is where a get my groceries. I have no idea of total cost of items in the shopping basket (if there are more than 3 items) until I make payment at the cashier. Sad right?

Mama's Wedding Ring

I am so happy, I found mama's wedding ring in the side cupboard beside papa's bed. I have been looking high and low for it for a few months now. I combed throught the places mama keeps ( it is difficult to use past tense on mama) her things. I practically left no stone unturned.

Mama took off the ring when she was going through radiotherapy. She must have wanted to keep it in a safe place. So safe that it took me a while to find it.

This ring was on mama's finger as long as I can remember. I remembered feeling it when holding mama's hand when I was little and also asking her what does the engraved initiate "L.Y.S." on the inside of the ring means.

If only my finger fit the ring, I would have it on as long as I can, just like mama.

The Journey

Looking back, the journey we've gone through with mama during her illness was a bitter-sweet experience. I treasure every little memory I have, not wanting to loose any. That is one of the reasons why I started this blog.

The 18months battle that we fought together was so packed with emotions. Fear, anger, joy, peace, anxiety, heartache, thankfulness sometimes all rolled in one single day.

I found this site call CancerLynx and there was a particular article by Law Lee, he speaks about the needs of the cancer patients and their caregiver at different stage of the illness. I find his account very close to that which I have gone through with mama.

Filling Up the Spaces

First, let me wish you a blessed 2008 ahead!

My brother and I embarked to give the house a fresh coat of paint. We realised that the finishings in the house are getting old, dirty and worn out. Mind you, we are staying in a relatively new flat, not more than 8 years. But it has deteriorated since mama was ill. I had posted before that the HOUSEkeeping at times seems so overwhelming. Thank God that brother sugguested, "Let's paint the house." As ever, I asked the same question, "Sure or not?"

I choose the colours and he brought the paint. I am a not a risk taker, so the colour are safe colours, off-white and lime green. Brother did most of the painting work. Me? I did the touching up and supervising. Oh no no, don't you despise my effort ;o)

When I was painting (or supervising) this thought came to me. Will we take up this responsibility if mama is still around? It was mama's "job", of course, not that we will leave all the works to mama but she will be the initiator, co-ordinator, supervisor and worker too.

Little by little, we are filling up the empty spaces left behind.

Audience

I found out a few days ago that Molly, the founder of WeAreWonderWomen has linked this site to her's.

I am happy that this humble blog - lack lustre and often shallow writtings can be a blessing to you.

My Promise

Papa bought himself a pair of shoes yesterday and I was glad. This means that he is gaining 'independency'. Papa used to depend on Mama alot - from fixing meals to buying the most essential like undergarments.

Mama kept reminding me during her last days to tke care of Papa. I will never be able to take her place but I agreed.

Wonderful Time

Oh dear! It took me 15 mins to log on to my blog site. I sudddenly had a memory lapse. Totally unable to recall my Blog ID. :O

Actually, I wanted to log-on to wish you all

"A Blessed Christmas"

The past 2 weeks were wonderful.

I went to a 4 days church camp at Bayu Beach Resort @ Port Dickson. The place, food and especially the company, my church brethern (+ my beloved neice) were wonderful.

The last time I when to Port Dickson was 15 years ago. All I could remember were the notorious houseflies which were in abundant supply and also the gradual seabed (that is, you could walk real far out at sea but is still in shallow water).

This time round I think I have more memories to bring back but only time can tell.