Want to Change Job

I have been thinking of changing line.

I know that I do not make a good Project Manager. I do not have the cut. I am not good at talking, i do not have the presence either am I assertive. Probably, I could only bully the weaker consultants and contractors.

I was so pissed off by the Architect this afternoon. She said," XX, can you send the report to the client." Helo, who is she to tell the PM what to do? She should mind her business, just focus to her own scope of work and stop trying to push the PM around.

I am sorry, PMs have big ego, especially those who are not doing well. Ha!

Anyway, I think this line is not my cup of tea anymore. I want to do something more meaningful. I am not hoping to be nobel. I will seek the Lord's will. I ought to be humble.

Tomorrow my family and I are taking a coach to KL. The children want to go to Sunway Lagoon. Please pray for journey mercy and that we will have a good time. It is our first outing without mama.

Coming back

I met mama's friend this evening on my way home after work. She asked me if mama is well. I replied,"my mom has passed away." She was alittle unexpected and there was some disappointed and hopelessness in her eyes. That made me sad.

Mom may have left this earth but her is coming back one day to rule with Jesus! Death to a christian (one who has called upon Jesus Christ to be his saviour) is not being defeated.

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. Phil 1:21

This Christmas Season

I miss mama. I wanted to look at her photos but it just make me miss her even more. The feeling is so intense that it is like having a knife cutting through my heart.

Mama was having her Chemo treatment during last year Christmas season. It was was a relief for me when she got her treatment. It was after a string of blood tests, CTscans and consultantions. The doctors finally got to the bottom of the kind of cancer she had.

Mama suffered much during Chemo and RT. However, she was brave. Seldom did she cry or lost hope of recovery. It was me who cried alot. Mama consoled me," Don't cry, be brave." I fear loosing mama. I prayed for God to heal her completely.

My God answered my prayer. Not exactly what I asked for but better. He healed mama competely and i will not loose her.

That night

Mom was called Home on Thursday 2 Nov 2006 at 4:56.

My brother, uncle and I were by her side in hospital. She was breathing heavily the night before. I fell asleep on and off. I woke up and found that she not breathing. Her pulse was weak. I realised that she was leaving. That parting moment was so so hard to bear. There are so many things I want to tell her but I kept saying," mama you go with Jesus, hold His hands, i will see you again in Heaven. i will take care of papa, brothers ... i love you, thank you mama ... ." She did not struggle. Her heart beat slowed down from 40/min, 30/min, 20/min to a straight line. She is gone. i was heart broken. I miss her very much. I dun want memories, I want her.

Mama never managed to go to Church to worship God. However, as I recalled, mama actually told my papa and her siblings that she is now a Christian; she removed the string of Buddhist beads necklace that my uncle gave her. Are these evidences (fruits) enough to prove that she is truly saved?

I can only carry on if I have the hope that i will see her in Heaven.